http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/08/new-road.html
if you haven't read it yet... start... here's a good one :)




Ohhhh, a happy little Tuesday. It is Tuesday, right lol?

I am tired of course. I got about 4 hours of sleep in the last 24. It's going to get easier right? I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.. but I have told myself I can make it 60 more days of sleepless nights. Partly my choice because my quiet time is this late night time (did I already talk about that?) anyway... I don't see him ever sleeping. Precious baby sleeps 3.5-4 hours no more ever, between feedings. I am tired. I know I said that.

Today the topic of new motherhood that came up was working. I have always, always said that I just wanted to be a stay-at-home mom (potentially just a stay-at-home person lolol) but this few months has been trying. I have always been independent, too independent at that. Needing my husband has been a nice change I think.... but not having my own independence has been so hard. I've struggled so greatly with it... and each day I go back and forth about working. Would it be worth the money, to pay someone to watch him? No, probably not, Do I want him around sick little children all day at a day care? No, probably not. The socialization would be nice though, right? Yes, I think so. What would my family say? What would my husband think about paying? Would my baby resent me? Would all the cool stuff happen while at daycare? Would I regret going back?

All I know is that I don't know. One thing I have learned over the last few months (there hasn't been much) is that I can trust my instinct. There's no rule book. He is still alive! (even after I gave him prune juice and rice and oatmeal lol) and I went with my gut and it all worked out. (Have I continued the rice and oatmeal- no but at least I tried). As any new mom I am a psycho google-er. It hasn't gotten me anywhere either, just more confused. Yet it has given me something to do in the wee hours of the night.

I always trust life. It will work itself out... I am lucky to have a husband who supports me, at least he pretends to, in most of my decisions. I just struggle with watching his every baby moment, or feeling like my old self. Three months probably isn't long enough to make a decision because I have 28 years of myself... its clearly hard to give that up. But we shall see.

On the crafty side of life- I am going to fancy up my powder room next month! I am using my free brain space time to dream up what I'll do!!!  And I look forward to posting pictures.

Today I am thankful for -
Happy baby time (he let me clean things today without crying)* kellogs 100 fruit bars (the ones that taste like poptarts)* daydreaming :)