I need to go to sleep.

I had many ideas for posts tonight but I have been reading blogs hers, all night so I need to go to bed.

Tonight my husband is on baby duty (much thanks) for the first time since we started the crib. When we had our normal routine of sleeping in living room (not that awesome) he would help me whenever needed but with the transition I wanted to get a feel for it. 

It's such a strange thing. I tell him I need more help, I need him to do so and so and then I feel so bad when the time actually comes for him to help. I feel like - he's my son I can do it- I can make it one more night. I say " its okay you really dont have to, just be honest" blah. blah. But I do often have my breakdown days where I tell him and myself I didn't want to have a baby and do it alone, if that were the case I would have wanted to know before hand. So I ask him to help, and he obliges.

I am REALLY working on just letting him be. I tell him my 390430943 tips before we do the hand off in any situation (I'm sure he doesn't listen to half) and normally interfere asap. But tonight I turned the monitor down, turned it upside down and just tried to breathe. When it was on (at first) when I heard him wake up and cry my stomach turns in knots. I want to go make sure he's okay and put him back to sleep quickly (ugh how I spend my whole day) the worrying not the sleeping, anyway but tonight I said to myself he must just do it alone. Try not to worry so much and just see what happens...

so fingers crossed.

Today I am thankful for-
Coffee * cookies (yep)

I want to remember how the baby smiled at himself in the mirror in the bathroom today. I am not sure he even realizes it's him but it was still very cute for such a tired baby to be smiling :)