Crib Wars.(the war is between myself and the crib)

I have been uninspired lately and clearly not feeling witty (as you can see). I was not going to write tonight either, but just wanted to share my thoughts (with potentially no one but myself) so I thought that was at least something.

I am as always, debating what to do about baby sleeping in his crib. I get moments of strong ideas on the subject, then get out of the shower and come down to him sleeping on the boppy the cats have been using as a bed for a month now. So I say okay, maybe I was wrong. I google, and google, and google and only leave thinking ... go with your gut. My gut is just teetering as usual. I still KNOW the crib is way more work for me. Ill need a new system and it will be more work getting him into this routine but I start wondering if now at 15 weeks asking him to fall asleep with the lights on and tv on in the same place he stays awake all day is fair. Also, for the husband and I the lights getting dim around here only means Dan falls asleep earlier. So thats stinky for him too.

If I try to bring up the rocking chair, turn on the sound machine and try to get him into this routine it also sets me up for more failure and tiring thoughts. I don't want to fail at doing it.. I don't want to waste all my thought and effort and have him say no way. I get it is a normal part of life in general, but life gives you enough fail and I'm tired. I kinda want to do it when I know my chances of it all working are better. This also will only require someone sleeping in his room with him every night. I wont ever understand why parents want to walk from one room to another a few times a night? Why they want to get woken up from a deep, comfy bed sleep to go into another room? He will cry longer and get less sleepy as well... so again, I lean towards just wait. Butttt then the obvious other part says... putting him upstairs even for a few hours will be beneficial to everyone. He can learn to have his own place, and the living room can still have lights and tv. Ps- my child can not self soothe and can't even go on a walk when tired bc he will cry and yell and I of course, pick him up. Now, as a side note, my child doesn't NEED to be rocked or fed to sleep. He will go to bed if you're holding in his binky. So I have some faith it's not a total waste, but still I do not know.

So I will take some more time and decide. The days are just ticking by, he's almost four months and then he'll be five and we will stilllllll be sleeping in the living room. I am tired of sleeping in the living room. Its been monthsss.

I am just going to hope for those times when I'll look back, and everything will have fallen into place. I will have made the right decisions, and he'll be an awesome, well adjusted child and I'll be on to having another one (and that one will sleep in his/her crib)

I just needed to vent. I also just need an iphone so I can post pictures, bc I think I say everytime I will. But really who feels like plugging in a camera.

Dude is 15 weeks old today. And still as chokey, and gaggy, and ridiculous as ever. But very very handsome nonetheless.

I am thankful for life bringing you the right opportunities. I am thankful for a healthy family.  I am thankful for knowing myself (I could write numerous posts on this) and knowing there needs to be a balance when having a baby.

I will cherish the way he likes to hold your fingers when trying to go to sleep, the way he loves his mama, the way being a mom allows your mind to wonder how the future will be... and what special moments you'll get to have and how everyone says "he looks just like his dad" his dad is cute. so thats okay. as long as he has my awesome teeth.